Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 17.djvu/218

212 brewer and butler, cook and poulterer. There is something still worse than all this; there came twenty bills upon me at once, which I had given money to discharge; I was like to be pulled to pieces by brewer, butcher, and baker; even my herbwoman dunned me as I went along the streets. (Thanks to my friend sir Roger, else I must have gone to gaol.) When I asked the meaning of this, I was told, the money went to the lawyers; counsel won't tick, sir; Hocus was urging: my book-keeper sat sotting all day, playing at put and all-fours: in short, by griping usurers, devouring lawyers, and negligent servants, I am brought to this pass.

Mrs. B. This was hard usage! but, methinks, the least reflection might have retrieved you.

J. B. It is true: yet consider my circumstances; my honour was engaged, and I did not know how to get out; besides, I was for five years often drunk, always muddled; they carried me from tavern to tavern, to alehouses and brandyshops, and brought me acquainted with such strange dogs ! "There goes the prettiest fellow in the world," says one, "for managing a jury; make him yours. There's another can pick you up witnesses: serjeant such-a-one has a silver tongue at the bar." I believe, in time I should have retained every single person within the inns of court. The night after a trial I treated the lawyers, their wives, and daughters, with fiddles, hautboys, drums, and trumpets. I was always hotheaded; then they placed me in the middle, the attorneys and their clerks dancing about me, whooping and hollowing, "Long live John Bull, the glory and support of the law." Mrs.