Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 17.djvu/214

208 brought extravagant bills, sir Roger used to bargain beforehand for leave to cut off a quarter of a yard in any part of the bill he pleased: he wore a pair of scissars in his pocket for this purpose, and would snip it off so nicely as you cannot imagine. Like a true goldsmith, he kept all your holidays; there was not one wanting in his calendar: when ready money was scarce, he would set them a telling a thousand pounds in sixpences, groats, and threepenny pieces. It would have done your heart good to have seen him charge through an army of lawyers, attorneys, clerks, and tradesmen; sometimes with sword in hand, at other times nuzzling like an eel in the mud. When a fellow stuck like a bur, that there was no shaking him off, he used to be mighty inquisitive about the health of his uncles and aunts in the country; he could call them all by their names, for he knew every body, and could talk to them in their own way. The extremely impertinent he would send away to see some strange sight, as the dragon of Hockley in the Hole; or bid him call the thirtieth of next February. Now and then you would see him in the kitchen, weighing the beef and butter ; paying ready money, that the maids might not run a tick at the market; and the butchers, by bribing them, sell damaged and light meat. Another time he would slip into the cellar, and gauge the casks. In his leisure minutes, he was posting his books, and gathering in his debts. Such frugal methods were necessary, where money was so scarce, and duns so numerous. All this while John kept his credit, could show his head both at 'Change and Westminster-hall; no man protested his bill, nor refused