Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 17.djvu/130

124 make plain and smooth the dogs ears throughout our great Bible.

Fourthly, the pews and benches, which were formerly swept but once in three years, I caused every Saturday to be swept with a besom and trimmed.

Fifthly and lastly, I caused the surplice to be neatly darned, washed, and laid in fresh lavender (yea, and sometimes to be sprinkled with rose-water) and I had great laud and praise from all the neighbouring clergy, forasmuch as no parish kept the minister in cleaner linen.

[Notwithstanding these his publick cares, in the eleventh chapter he informs us, he did not neglect his usual occupations as a handycraftsman.]

Shoes, saith he, did I make (and if intreated, mend) with good approbation, faces also did I shave, and I clipped the hair. Chirurgery also I practised in the worming of dogs; but to bleed adventured I not, except the poor. Upon this my twofold profession there passed among men a merry tale, delectable enough to be rehearsed; how that being overtaken in liquor one Saturday evening, I shaved the priest with Spanish blacking for shoes instead of a washball, and with lamp-black powdered his peruke. But these were sayings of men, delighting in their own conceits more than in the truth. For it is well known, that great was my skill in these my crafts; yea, I once had the honour of trimming sir Thomas himself without fetching blood. Farthermore, I was sought unto to geld the lady Frances her spaniel, which was wont to go astray: he was called Toby, that is to say Tobias. And thirdly, I was entrusted with a gorgeous