Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/177

Rh such other unsightly things, either in a blind entry, or upon the darkest part of the backstairs, that they may not be seen; and if people break their shins by trampling on them, it is their own fault.

Never empty the chamberpots until they are quite full: if that happens in the night, empty them into the street; if in the morning, into the garden; for it would be an endless work to go a dozen times from the garret and upper rooms down to the backside; but never wash them in any other liquor except their own: what cleanly girl would be dabbling in other folk's urine? and besides, the smell of stale, as I observed before, is admirable against the vapours; which, a hundred to one, may be your lady's case.

Brush down the cobwebs with a broom that is wet and dirty, which will make them stick the faster to it, and bring them down more effectually.

When you rid up the parlour hearth in a morning, throw the last night's ashes into a sieve; and what falls through, as you carry it down, will serve instead of sand for the rooms and the stairs.

When you have scoured the brasses and irons in the parlour chimney, lay the foul wet clout upon the next chair, that your lady may see you have not neglected your work: observe the same rule, when you clean the brass locks, only with this addition, to leave the marks of your fingers on the doors, to show you have not forgot.

Leave your lady's chamberpot in her bedchamber window all day to air.

Bring up none but large coals to the diningroom and your lady's chamber; they make the best fires, and