Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/172

164 they will go, which you can easily make up other ways, if your lady be handsome, or her daughters have good fortunes.

If you are in a great family, and my lady's woman, my lord may probably like you, although you are not half so handsome as his own lady. In this case take care to get as much out of him as you can; and never allow him the smallest liberty, not the squeezing of your hand, unless he puts a guinea into it; so by degrees make him pay accordingly for every new attempt, doubling upon him in proportion to the concessions you allow, and always struggling, and threatening to cry out, or tell your lady, although you receive his money: five guineas for handling your breast is a cheap pennyworth, although you seem to resist with all your might; but never allow him the last favour under a hundred guineas, or a settlement of twenty pounds a year for life.

In such a family, if you are handsome, you will have the choice of three lovers; the chaplain, the steward, and my lord's gentleman. I would first advise you to choose the steward; but if you happen to be young with child by my lord, you must take up with the chaplain. I like my lord's gentleman the least of the three; for he is usually vain and saucy from the time he throws off his livery; and if he misses a pair of colours, or a tidewaiter's place, he has no remedy but the highway.

I must caution you particularly against my lord's eldest son: if you are dextrous enough, it is odds that you may draw him in to marry you, and make you a lady: if he be a common rake (and he must be one or t'other), avoid him like Satan; for he stands less in awe of a mother, than my lord does of