Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/166

158 lady you serve; and this treatise is to be applied to all sorts of families: so that I find myself under great difficulty to adjust the best business, for which you are hired. In a family where there is a tolerable estate, you differ from the housemaid, and in that view I give my directions. Your particular province is your lady's chamber, where you make the bed, and put things in order; and if you live in the country, you take care of rooms, where ladies lie who come into the house, which brings in all the vales that fall to your share. Your usual lover, as I take it, is the coachman; but, if you are under twenty, and tolerably handsome, perhaps a footman may cast his eyes on you.

Get your favourite footman to help you in making your lady's bed; and if you serve a young couple, the footman and you, as you are turning up the bed clothes, will make the prettiest observations in the world; which whispered about will be very entertaining to the whole family, and get among the neighbourhood.

Do not carry down the necessary vessels for the fellows to see, but empty them out of the window, for your lady's credit. It is highly improper for men servants to know, that fine ladies have occasion for such utensils; and do not scour the chamberpot, because the smell is wholesome.

If you happen to break any china with the top of the whisk on the mantletree or the cabinet, gather up the fragments, put them together as well as you can, and place them behind the rest, so that when your lady comes to discover them, you may safely say they were broke long ago, before you came to the service. This will save your lady many an hour's vexation. It