Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/157



OU are strictly bound to nothing, but to step into the box, and carry your master or lady.

Let your horses be so well trained, that when you attend your lady at a visit, they will wait until you slip into a neighbouring alehouse to take a pot with a friend.

When you are in no humour to drive, tell your master that the horses have got a cold, that they want shoeing, that rain does them hurt, and roughens their coat, and rots the harness. This may likewise be applied to the groom.

If your master dines with a country friend, drink as much as you can get; because it is allowed, that a good coachman never drives so well as when he is drunk; and then show your skill by driving to an inch by a precipice; and say, you never drive so well as when drunk.

If you find any gentleman fond of one of your horses, and willing to give you a consideration beside the price; persuade your master to sell him, because he is so vicious that you cannot undertake to drive with him, and is foundered into the bargain.

Get a black-guard boy to watch your coach at the church door on Sundays, that you and your brother coachmen may be merry together at the alehouse, while your master and lady are at church. Rh