Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/152

144 Never wear socks when you wait at meals, on account of your own health, as well as of them who sit at table; because as most ladles like the smell of young mens toes, so it is a sovereign remedy against vapours.

Choose a service, if you can, where your livery colours are least tawdry and distinguishing: green and yellow immediately betray your office, and so do all kinds of lace, except silver, which will hardly fall to your share, unless with a duke or some prodigal just come to his estate. The colours you ought to wish for, are blue, or filemot turned up with red; which with a borrowed sword, a borrowed air, your master's linen, and a natural and improved confidence, will give you what title you please, where you are not known.

When you carry dishes or other things out of the room at meals, fill both your hands as full as possible; for although you may sometimes spill, and sometimes let fall, yet you will find, at the year's end, you have made great dispatch, and saved abundance of time.

If your master or mistress happen to walk the streets, keep on one side, and as much on the level with them as you can, which people observing will either think you do not belong to them, or that you are one of their companions; but if either of them happen to turn back and speak to you, so that you are under the necessity to take off your hat, use but your thumb and one finger, and scratch your head with the rest.

In winter time light the diningroom fire but two minutes before dinner is served up, that your master may see how saving you are of his coals. When