Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 16.djvu/125

Rh master, should do your utmost to discourage them: therefore your business must be to press the candle with both your hands into the socket, so as to make it lean in such a manner, that the grease may drop all upon the floor, if some lady's head dress or gentleman's periwig be not ready to intercept it: you may likewise stick the candle so loose, that it will fall upon the glass of the sconce, and break it into shatters; this will save your master many a fair penny in the year, both in candles and to the glassman, and yourself much labour; for the sconces spoiled cannot be used.

Never let the candles burn too low, but give them as a lawful perquisite to your friend the cook, to increase her kitchenstuff; or if this be not allowed in your house, give them in charity to the poor neighbours, who often run on your errands.

When you cut bread for a toast, do not stand idly watching it, but lay it on the coals, and mind your other business: then come back, and if you find it toasted quite through, scrape off the burnt side, and serve it up.

When you dress up your sideboard, set the best glasses as near the edge of the table as you can; by which means they will cast a double lustre, and make a much finer figure; and the consequence can be at most, but the breaking half a dozen, which is a trifle in your master's pocket.

Wash the glasses with your own water, to save your master's salt.

When any salt is spilt on the table, do not let it be lost, but when dinner is done, fold up the tablecloth with the salt in it, then shake the salt out into the saltcellar to serve next day: but the Rh