Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 11.djvu/27

 but, since it is an evil I cannot remedy, I will tell you a story: a cast mistress went to her rival, and expostulated with her for robbing her of her lover. After a long quarrel, finding no good to be done; "Well," says the abdicated lady, "keep him, and stop him in your ar—." — "No," says the other, "that will not be altogether so convenient; however, to oblige you, I will do something that is very near it". — Dixi.

I am mightily afraid the ladies are very idle, and do not mind their book. Pray put them upon reading; and be always teaching something to Mrs. Johnson, because she is good at comprehending, remembering, and retaining. I wonder she could be so wicked as to let the first word she could speak, after choking, be a pun. I differ from you; and believe the pun was just coming up, but met with the crumbs, and so, struggling for the wall, could neither of them get by, and at last came both out together.

It is a pleasant thing to hear you talk of Mrs. Dingley's blunders, when she has sent me a list with above a dozen of yours, that have kept me alive, and I hope will do so till I have them again from the fountain head. — I desire Mrs. Johnson only to forbear punning after the Finglas rate when Dilly was at home.

I thank you for your bill, which was a cunning piece of civility to prevent me from wanting. However, I shall buy hats for you and Tom Leigh; for I have lately a bill of twenty pounds sent me for self,