Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 1.djvu/489

Rh elegance, but the beef being overroasted, put the company all in confusion. The dean called for the cookmaid, and ordered her to take the beef down stairs, and do it less. She answered very innocently, that she could not. "Why, what sort of a creature are you," says he, "to commit a fault which cannot be amended ?" And turning to Mrs. Pilkington, he said very gravely, "That he hoped, as the cook was a woman of genius, he should, by this manner of arguing, be able, in about a year's time, to convince her she had better send up the meat too little than too much done;" charging the men servants, whenever they imagined the meat was ready, they should take it, spit and all, and bring it up by force, promising to aid them in case the cook resisted. Having asked Mr. and Mrs. Pilkington if they could smoke? and being answered, that they did not; "It is a sign," said he, "you were neither of you bred in the university of Oxford; for drinking and smoking are the first rudiments of learning taught there; and in those two arts no university in Europe can outdo them." Having asked Mrs. Pilkington if she had any faults? "Pray, Mr. dean," said Dr. Delany, "why will you be so unpolite as to suppose Mrs. Pilkington has any faults?" "I'll tell you," replied the dean; "whenever I see a number of agreeable qualities in any person, I am always sure they have bad ones sufficient to poise the scale." Mrs. Pilkington bowed, and told him he did her great honour; in Rh