Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 1.djvu/474

 upon him to leave out the word friend, and only write his grateful master; and this in contradiction to a known maxim of his own. — "That an affectionate and faithful servant, should always be considered in the character of an humble friend." He performed the burial service himself on the occasion, and in the course of it was observed to shed tears.

As he expected punctual, ready, and implicit obedience, he always tried his servants when he hired them by some test of their humility. Among other qualities, he always asked whether they understood cleaning shoes, because, said he, my kitchen wench has a scullion that does her drudgery, and one part of the business of my groom and footman is constantly to clean her shoes by turns: if they scrupled this, their treaty was at an end; if not, he gave them a farther hearing. His kitchen wench, however, was his cook; a woman of a large size, robust constitution, and coarse features; her face very much seamed with the smallpox, and furrowed by age; this woman he always distinguished by the name of Sweetheart.

It happened one day that Sweetheart greatly over-roasted the only joint he had for dinner; upon which he sent for her up, and with great coolness and gravity, "Sweetheart," says he, "take this down into the kitchen, and do it less." She replied, "that was impossible." "Pray, then," said he, "if you had roasted it too little, could you not have done it more?" "Yes," she said, "she could easily have done that;" "Why then, Sweetheart, if you must commit a fault, let me advise you to commit one that can be mended."

To the rest of the servants, indeed, he appeared to be churlish and austere, but, in reality, was one of