Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 1.djvu/145

Rh on it. As to the first, which relates to my fortune, I shall never be able to make myself believed how indifferent I am about it. I sometimes have the pleasure of making that of others; and I fear it is too great a pleasure to be a virtue, at least in me. Perhaps, in Ireland, I may not be able to prevent contempt, any other way than by making my fortune; but then it is my comfort, that contempt in Ireland will be no sort of mortification to me. When I was last in Ireland, I was above half the time retired to one scurvy acre of ground, and I always left it with regret. I am as well received and known at court, as perhaps any man ever was of my level; I have formerly been the like. I left it then, and perhaps will leave it now, (when they please to let me) without any concern but what a few months will remove. It is my maxim to leave great ministers to do as they please; and if I cannot enough distinguish myself by being useful in such a way, as becomes a man of conscience and honour, I can do no more; for I never will solicit for myself, although I often do for others." And in another letter to the same, dated in the following year, he says, "I know nothing of promises of any thing intended for myself; but I thank God I am not very warm in my expectations, and know courts too well to be surprised at disappointments; which, however, I shall have no great reason to fear, if I gave my thoughts any great trouble that way, which, without affectation, I do not, although I cannot expect to be believed when I say so."

In his Journal to Stella, where the inmost recesses of his heart are opened, he makes frequent mention of his little solicitude, and small expectation on that score