Page:The Works of Francis Bacon (1884) Volume 1.djvu/240

112 suits, of her own nature; and the Lord Treasurer Burleigh, to feed her humour, would say to her, "Madam, you do well to let suitors stay; for I shall tell you, 'bis dat, qui cito dat': if you grant them speedily, they will come again the sooner." 72. They feigned a tale of Sixtus Quintus, that after his death he went to hell, and the porter of hell said to him, "You have some reason to offer yourself to this place; but yet I have order not to receive you: you have a place of your own, purgatory; you may go thither." So he went away, and sought purgatory a great while and could find no such place. Whereupon he took heart, and went to heaven, and knocked; and St. Peter asked, "Who was there?" He said, "Sixtus pope." Whereunto St. Peter said, "Why do you knock? you have the keys." Sixtus answered, "It is true; but it is so long since they were given, as I doubt the wards of the lock he altered." 73. Charles, King of Sweden, a great enemy of the Jesuits, when he took any of their colleges, he would hang the old Jesuits, and put the young to his mines, saying, "that since they wrought so hard above ground, he would try how they could work under ground." 74. In chancery one time when the counsel of the parties set forth the boundaries of the land in question, by the plot; and the counsel of one part said, "We lie on this side, my lord;" and the counsel of the other part said, "And we lie on this side:" the Lord Chancellor Hatton stood up and said, "If you lie on both sides, whom will you have me to believe." 75. Vespasian and Titus his eldest, son were both absent from Rome when the empire was cast upon him: Domitian his younger son was at Rome, who took upon him the affairs; and being of a turbulent spirit, made many changes; and displaced divers officers and governors of provinces, sending them successors. So when Vespasian came to Rome, and Domitian came into his presence, Vespasian said to him, "Son, I looked when you would have sent me a successor."

76. Sir Amyas Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was wont to say, "Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner." 77. The deputies of the reformed religion, after the massacre which was upon St. Bartholomew's day, treated with the king and queen-mother, and some other of the council, for a peace. Both sides were agreed upon the articles. The question was, upon the security of performance. After some particulars propounded and rejected, the queen-mother said, "Why, is not the word of a king sufficient security?" One of the deputies answered, "No, by St. Bartholemew, madam." 78. When the archduke did raise his siege from Grave, the then secretary came to Queen Elizabeth. The queen, having first intelligence thereof, said to the secretary, "Wot you what? The archduke has risen from the Grave." Hb answered, "What, without the trumpet of the archangel?" The queen replied, "Yes, without sound of trumpet." 79. Francis the First used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised: so walking one day in the company of the Cardinal of Bourbon near Paris, he met with a peasant with a new pair of shoes upon his arm: so he called unto him and said; "By our lady, these be good shoes, what did they cost thee? The peasant said, "Guess." The king said, "I think some five sols." Saith the peasant,"You have lied; but a carlois." "What, villain," saith the Cardinal of Bourbon, "thou art dead, it is the king." The peasant replied, "The devil take him of you and me, that knew so much." 80. There was a conspiracy against the emperor Claudius by Scribonianus, examined in the senate; where Claudius sat in his chair, and one of his freed servants stood at the back of his chair. In the examination, that freed servant, who had much power with Claudius, very saucily had almost all the words: and amongst other things, he asked in scorn one of the examinats, who was likewise freed servant of Scribonianus; "I pray, sir, if Scribonianus had been emperor, what would you have done?" He answered; "I would have stood behind his chair and held my peace." 81. Dionysius the tyrant, after he was deposed and brought to Corinth, kept a school. Many used to visit him; and amongst others, one, when he came in, opened his mantle and shook his clothes, thinking to give Dionysius a gentle scorn; because it was the manner to do so for them that came in to him while he was tyrant. But Dionysius said to him; "I prithee do so rather when thou goest out, that we may see thou stealest nothing away." 82. Hannibal said of Fabius Maximus, and of Marcellus, whereof the former waited upon him, that he could make no progress, and the latter had many sharp fights with him; "That he feared Fabius like a tutor, and Marcellus like an enemy."

83. Diogenes, one terrible frosty morning, came into the market-place, and stood naked, quaking, to show his tolerance. Many of the people came about him, pitying him: Plato passing by, and knowing he did it to be seen, said to the people as he went by, "If you pity him indeed, leave him alone." 84. Sackford, master of the requests to Queen Elizabeth, had diverse times moved for audience, and been put off. At last he came to the queen in a progress, and had on a new pair of boots. When he came in, the queen said to him, "Fy, sloven, thy new boots stink." "Madam," said he, "it is not my new boots that stink; but it is the stale bills that I have kept so long." 85. One was saying that his great-grand father, and grandfather, and father, died at sea; said