Page:The Works of Francis Bacon (1884) Volume 1.djvu/238

 the Duke of Sesa, "that Pasquil gave great scandal, and that he would have him thrown into the river:" but Sesa answered, "Do it not, holy father, for then he will turn frog; and whereas now he chants but by day, he will then chant both by day and night."

41. There was a soldier that vaunted before Julius Cæsar of hurts he had received in his face. Julius Cæsar knowing him to be but a coward, told him; "You were best take heed next time you run away, how you look back."

42. There was a bishop that was somewhat a delicate person, and bathed twice a day. A friend of his said to him; "My lord, why do you bathe twice a day?" The bishop answered; "Because I cannot conveniently bathe thrice."

43. Mendoza that was viceroy of Peru, was wont to say, "that the government of Peru was the best place that the King of Spain gave, save that it was somewhat too near Madrid."

44. Secretary Bourn's son kept a gentleman's wife in Shropshire, who lived from her husband, with him: when he was weary of her, he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home, and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation; the gentleman went to Sir H. Sidney to take his advice upon this offer, telling him, "that his wife promised now a new life; and, to tell him truth, five hundred pounds would come well with him; and besides, that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed." "By my troth," said Sir Henry Sidney, "take her home, and take the money: and then whereas other cuckolds wear their herns plain, you may wear yours gilt."

45. There was a gentleman in Italy that wrote to a great friend of his upon his advancement to be cardinal, that he was very glad of his advancement, for the cardinal's own sake; but he was sorry that himself had lost so good a friend.

46. When Rabelais lay on his death-bed, and they gave him the extreme unction, a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards, and asked him how he did? Rabelais answered, "Even going my journey, they have greased my boots already."

47. There was a king of Hungary took a bishop in battle, and kept him prisoner: whereupon the pope writ a monitory to him, for that he had broke the privilege of holy church, and taken his son. The king sent an embassage to him, and sent withal the armour wherein the bishop was taken, and this only in writing, "Vide num hæc sit vestis filii tui:" 48. There was a suitor to Vespasian, who, to lay his suit fairer, said it was for his brother; whereas indeed it was for a piece of money. Some about Vespasian, to cross him, told the emperor that the party his servant spoke for, was not his brother; but that it was upon a bargain. Vespasian sent for the party interested, and asked him; "Whether his mean was his brother or no?" He durst not tell untruth to the emperor, and confessed that he was not his brother. Whereupon the emperor said, "This do, fetch me the money, and you shall have your suit despatched." Which he did. The courtier, which was the mean, solicited Vespasian soon after about his suit: "Why," saith Vespasian, "I gave it last day to a brother of mine." 49. When Vespasian passed from Jewry to take upon him the empire, he went by Alexandria, where remained two famous philosophers, Appollonius and Euphrates. The emperor heard the discourse, touching matter of state, in the presence of many. And when he was weary of them, he brake off, and in a secret derision, finding their discourses but speculative, and not to be put in practice, said, "O that I might govern wise men, and wise men govern me." 50. Cardinal Ximenes, upon a muster, which was taken against the Moors, was spoken to by a servant of his to stand a little out of the smoke of the harquebuss; but he said again, "That that was his incense." 51. Vespasian asked of Apollonius, what was the cause of Nero's ruin? Who answered, "Nero could tune the harp well, but in government he did always wind up the strings too high, or let them down too low." 52. Mr. Bromley, solicitor, giving in evidence for a deed, which was impeached to be fraudulent, was urged by the counsel on the other side with this presumption, that in two former suits, when title was made, that deed was passed over in silence, and some other conveyance stood upon. Mr. Justice Catline taking in with that side, asked the solicitor, "I pray thee, Mr. Solicitor, let me ask you a familiar question; I have two geldings in my stable, and I have divers times business of importance, and still I send forth one of my geldings, and not the other; would you not think I set him aside for a jade?" "No, my lord," said Bromley, "I would think you spared him for your own saddle." 53. Alonso Cartilio was informed by his steward of the greatness of his expense, being such as he could not hold out with. The bishop asked him wherein it chiefly arose? His steward told him, in the multitude of his servants. The bishop bade him make a note of those that were necessary, and those that mought be spared. Which he did. And the bishop taking occasion to read it before most of his servants, said to his steward, "Well, let these remain because I need them; and these other also because they have need of me."

54. Queen Elizabeth was wont to say, upon the commission of sales, "That the commissioners used her like strawberry wives, that laid two or three great strawberries at the mouth of their pot, and all the rest were little ones; so they made her two or three good prizes of the first particulars, but fell straightways."