Page:The Tsar's Window.djvu/234

 was apparent that I no longer threw myself into the pleasure of the moment, as I had done the first of the evening.

"You are not so happy as you were when you arrived," said George. "Why is that?"

"I could not expect to be," I answered; "for I have not been so thoroughly happy for years as I was when I first came. I knew it would not last. I am thankful to have had the feeling, even for a short time," I added lightly.

There was not much rest for me last night. When I reached home, my thoughts were very unpleasant companions. I began to realize, in my inmost heart, that it was my duty to accept Mr. Thurber; and that duty stared me blankly in the face, in spite of all my efforts to shut it out.

"But it is a sin," I cried mentally, "to marry a man whom I don't love! He would not wish me to say Yes with my lips, while my heart rebelled."

A little voice answered me: "Then you should not have promised. You said you would try to love him. How have you kept your word? By putting him as much out of your mind as possible. You have failed grievously, but simply because you have not made the effort which it was your duty to make. You have no right to shirk the punishment of your own thoughtless acts. The only course which you can pursue with honor is to accept Chilton Thurber, and then do your best to love him."

And deep down in my heart a few words were