Page:The Story of Manon Lescaut and of the Chevalier des Grieux.pdf/103

Rh count aright, will make four thousand eight hundred livres a year. Before going to his country-seat, he left orders with his steward to look for a house, and to have it ready on his return. Then you will again see Manon, who bade me tell you that she sent you a thousand kisses, and assure you that she loves you more than ever."

I sat down, pondering over this curious dispensation of Fate. Filled with conflicting emotions, I was in a state of indecision so difficult to terminate that I remained for a long while without making any response to the numerous questions which Lescaut asked me in rapid succession. Once more, at that moment, did honor and virtue assert themselves and make me feel the stings of remorse. I sighed as my thoughts reverted to Amiens, to my home, to St. Sulpice, to all those spots where I had lived in blameless innocence. How vast was the gulf which separated me from that state of happiness! I saw it now only from afar, like a phantom vision, which still inspired me with yearning and regret, but which was too dim and unsubstantial to rouse me to effort. "By what fatality," I asked myself, "have I become thus steeped in guilt? Love is an innocent passion; how has it been transformed for me into a source of sin and misery? Who was there to prevent my living peacefully and virtuously with Manon? Why did I not wed her before claiming any favors from her love? My father, with his deep affection for me, would surely have consented to my doing so, had I but urged him with proper entreaties. Aye! My father would have grown to love her himself, as a sweet girl, only too worthy of being his son's wife. I should now be happy in Manon's love, in my father's affection, in the esteem of honorable men, in the blessings of fortune, and the serene tranquillity of a virtuous life. How melancholy a contrast does the reality present! Here am I called