Page:The Relations Tolstoy.pdf/69

 think about them, to be conscious of them, as we cease to be conscious of our body. And in this is the mischief.

For a married couple to be happy, as described in novels and desired by every human heart, it is necessary there should be mutual agreement between them. But this agreement is only possible when husband and wife have exactly the same view of the universe and of the meaning of life (this is particularly necessary in relation to the children). And that husband and wife shall possess the same view of life shall stand on exactly the same level of understanding, can happen as seldom as one leaf of a tree can exactly resemble another. Agreement (and therefore happiness), then, is only possible when one of the two subordinates his or her understanding to the other. And here arises the chief difficulty: The one with the higher understanding cannot subordinate him or herself to the lower, however much he or she may desire it. For the sake of agreement one can go without eating and sleeping, one can dig flower beds, etc, but one cannot do what one regards as wrong, sinful and not only unreasonable, but directly opposed to reason and righteousness. Notwithstanding all one's consciousness that the happiness of both depends on agreement -that this agreement is necessary for the right education of the children -a wife cannot agree to her husband's drunkenness or gambling, a husband cannot content with his wife shall attend balls, that the children shall be taught dancing, fencing, orthodox theology. For the preservation of agreement, however, and not only of happiness but of true welfare (which corresponds with love and unity, it is necessary that the one who stands on a lower plane of understanding and feels the superiority of the other shall submit, not