Page:The Relations Tolstoy.pdf/49

 Secondly, to be able to love, not in word, but in deed, one must teach oneself to do to men what is useful. Here there is yet more work. Thirdly, to enable one to love men and to be loved, one must learn meekness, humility, and the art of enduring unpleasant people and things, the art of always so behaving towards them as to pain no one, -or, if this is impossible, not to insult anyone, to know how to choose the infliction of the lesser pain. And here there is more work still, and continual work, from waking till falling asleep. And a most joyful work, because day after day one is gladdened by one's progress, and besides one receives a recompense, imperceptible at first, but very joyous, in the love from men. So that I advise you, and both of you, first to think and live as seriously as possible, for only by this means will you ascertain whether you are indeed advancing along the same road, and whether or not it is well for you to join hands; and at the same time, if you are sincere, to prepare for yourselves a future aim. The object of your life should be not the joy of married life, but by your life to introduce into the world more love and truth. And marriage is meant for the purpose of helping each other in the attainment of this object. "Extremes meet." The most egoistical and offensive life is that of two individuals who have united for the purpose of enjoying life; and the highest is that of men and women who live to serve God by introducing good into the world, and who have for this purpose united. So take care you do not make a mistake: The one way sometimes resembles the other, but is quite different. Why should not one choose the highest? Only, having chosen the highest, one should put all one's soul into it -a little will be useless.