Page:The Power of Sexual Surrender.pdf/237

 They can come to grips with these fears only when they allow themselves to enter a close psychological relationship with an eligible member of the opposite sex.

I have called the steps by which a woman moves from frigidity to emotional and sexual maturity a "process." Once really started, it tends, almost by inertia, to complete itself, needing only a kind of minimal guidance from one's intelligence and a few specific facts.

For the sake of clarity, then, let us review what the steps in this process are.

It is launched by the surfacing of negative emotions and fantasies from which the frigid woman has been hiding. These emotions and fantasies reflect an underlying attitude toward the opposite sex which is based on early childhood fears and misunderstandings and which is seriously affecting one's ability to love. As the emotions are exposed to full view they lose their power for harm, for it is only when they are partially or totally hidden from oneself that their primitive force is dangerous. When they are exposed to the light of intelligence and judgment, their power over one can at first be greatly reduced and finally can be disposed of entirely.

When all or most of one's negative daydreams and emotions have been exposed, step two can be taken. This is a revaluation of the male in terms of his real nature and real goals. We saw that his real nature is basically aggressive, and one of his chief aims in life is to put this aggression to work for his wife and family. Viewed from this standpoint, man's differences from woman are seen in their true light. The frigid woman, from this revaluation, learns that she can now let down her defenses, knowing that her husband, far from being hostile or wishing to enslave or exploit her, is her loving ally. She sees that his once-feared aggression is the very thing that makes it really safe for her to be a woman.