Page:The Power of Sexual Surrender.pdf/167

 just the opposite kind of conscious reaction. A too early stimulation causes a pleasurable sensual reaction, and the memory of this is held onto passionately. The deep guilt that is generated in the little girl, however, causes a displaced psychological reaction of great intensity.

To understand this personality structure more fully, let us look at a typical case.

Molly M. was a passionate bohemian in every sense of the word. When she first came to my office she was dressed in the height of what was then bohemian high fashion: dancing slippers, a dirndl-effect skirt and blouse, and long cotton stockings. She wore her hair in a pony tail and had no make-*up on whatsoever. She lived in Greenwich Village in a five-flight walk-up cold-water flat. She was then twenty-seven years old and had been living in the same place since her graduation from college at twenty-two. She had a decent job but preferred to stay in this exotic tenement.

Molly had come to me because, as she stated it, she was scared. In the past two years she had become pregnant twice and had had two abortions. The last one, which had occurred three months before, had been performed under the most sordid circumstances; in the basement of a tenement by a midwife with filthy hands. Performed without anesthetic, it had been terribly painful and resulted in a serious uterine infection which required hospitalization. In the hospital the gynecologist had warned Molly that if she had not already ruined her chances to have children she might very well do so the next time. Despite her resolution at that time to change her ways, she had recently picked up with a penniless art student who obviously had no real feelings for Molly and, I suspected, no real ability to care for any other person. It was clear that this relationship was going nowhere, just as the rest had.

But let us look at Molly's story.