Page:The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club.djvu/578

484 484 POSTHUMOUS PAPERS OF

Mr. Weller delivered this scientific opinion v/ith many confirmatory frowns and nods, which Mrs. Weller remarking, and concluding that they bore some disparaging reference either to herself or to Mr. Stig- gins, or to both, was on the point of becoming infinitely worse, when Mr. Stiggins, getting on his legs as well as he could, proceeded to deliver an edifying discourse for the benefit of the company, but more especially of Mr. Samuel, whom he adjured, in moving terms, to be upon his guard in that sink of iniquity into which he was cast ; to abstain from all hypocrisy and pride of heart ; and to take in all things exact pattern and copy by him (Stiggins), in which case he might calculate on arriving sooner or later at the comfortable conclusion, that, like him, he was a most estimable and blameless character, and that all his acquaintance and friends were hopelessly abandoned and profligate wretches ; which consideration, he said, could not but afford him the liveliest satisfaction.

He furthermore conjured him to avoid, above all things, the vice of intoxication, Avhich he likened unto the fiilthy habits of swine, and to those poisonous and baleful drugs which being chewed in the mouth are said to filch away the memory. At this point of his discourse the reverend and red-nosed gentleman became singu- larly incoherent, and staggering to and fro in the excitement of his eloquence, was fain to catch at the back of a chair to preserve his perpendicular.

Mr. Stiggins did not desire his hearers to be upon their guard against those false prophets and Avretched mockers of reh'gion, who, without sense to expound its first doctrines, or hearts to feel its first principles, are more dangerous members of society than the common criminal; imposing as they necessarily do upon the weakest and worst informed natures, casting scorn and contempt on what should be held most sacred, and bringing into partial disrepute large bodies of virtuous and well- conducted persons of many excellent sects and persuasions ; but as he leant over the back of the chair for a considerable time, and closing one eye, winked a good deal with the other, it is presumed that he thought it all, but kept it to himself.

During the delivery of this oration, Mrs. Weller sobbed and wept at the end of the paragraphs, while Sam, sitting cross-legged on a chair and resting his arms on the top-rail, regarded the speaker with great suavity and blandness of demeanour, occasionally bestowing a look of recogni- tion on the old gentleman, who was delighted at the beginning, and went to sleep about half-way.

" Brayvo! wery pretty!" said Sam, when the red-nosed man having finished, pulled his worn gloves on, thereby thrusting his fingers through the broken tops till the knuckles were disclosed to view — '^ Wery pretty."

" I hope it may do you good, Samuel," said Mrs. Weller solemnly.


 * ' I think it vill, mum," replied Sam.

Weller.
 * ' I wish I could hope that it would do your father good," said Mrs.

" Thankee, my dear," said Mr. Weller, senior. " How do you find yourself arter it, my love } "

I