Page:The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club.djvu/577

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THE PICKWICK CLUB. 483

Weller at once rcUipsed into a broad grin : and this inexorable conduct causing the hidy and !Mr. Stiggins to close their eyes and rock them- selves to and fro on their chairs, in a troubled manner, he furthermore indulged in several acts of j):intomime indicative of a desire to pum- mel and wring the nose of the aforesaid Stiggins, the performance of which appeared to aHbrd him great mental relief. The old gentleman very narrowly escaped detection in one instance ; for Mr. Stiggins hap- pening to give a start on the arrival of the negus, brought his head in smart contact with the clenched fist with which Mr. Weller had been describing imaginary fireworks in the air, within two inches of his ear for some minutes previous.

" Wot are you a reachin' out your hand for the tumbler in that 'ere sawage vay for?" said Sam, with great promptitude. "Don't you see you've hit the gen'lm'n ? "

" I didn't go to do it, Sammy," said Mr. Weller, in some degree abashed by the very unexpected occurrence of the incident.

" Try an invard application, Sir," said Sam, as the red-nosed gen- tleman rubbed his head with. a rueful visage. "Wot do you think o' that for a go o' wanity varm, Sir?"

Mr. Stiggins made no verbal answer, but his manner was expressive. He tasted the contents of the glass which Sam had placed in his hand, put his umbrella on the floor, and tasted it again, passing his hand placidly across his stomach twice or thrice ; he then drank the whole at a breath, and smacking his lips, held out the tumbler for more.

Nor was Mrs. Weller behind-hand in doing justice to the composition. The good lady began by protesting that she couldn't touch a drop — then took a small drop — then a large drop — and then a great many drops ; and her feelings being of the nature of those substances which are powerfully affected by the application of strong waters, she dropped a tear with every drop of negus, and so got on melting the feelings down, until at length she had arrived at a very pathetic and decent pitch of misery.

The elder iIr. Weller observed these signs and tokens with many manifestations of disgust, and when, after a second jug of the same, Mr. Stiggins began to sigh in a dismal manner, he plainly evinced his disapprobation of the whole proceedings by sundry incoherent ram- blings of speech, among which frequent angry repetitions of the word "gammon" were alone distinguishable to the ear.

"I'll tell you wot it is, Samivel, my boy," whispered the old gentle- man into his son's ear, after a long and stedfast contemplation of his lady and Mr. Stiggins; "I think there must be somethin' wrong in your mother-in-law's inside, as veil as in that o' the red-nosed man."


 * ' Wot do you mean ? " said Sam.

"I mean this here, Sammy," replied the old gentleman, " that wot they drink don't seem no nourishment to 'em ; it all turns to varm vater at vunce, and comes a' pourin' out o' their eyes, 'Pend upon it, Sammy, it's a constitootional infirmity."

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