Page:The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club.djvu/563

469 THE PICKWICK CLUB. 469

better leave 'em off on principle,' says the doctor. ' Crumpets is wholesome, Sir,' says the patient. ' Crumpets is not wholesome, Sir,' says the doctor, wery fiercely. * But they're so cheap,'says the patient, comin' down a little, ' and so wery fiUin' at the price.' ' They'd be dear to you at any price; dear if you was paid to eat 'em,' says the doctor. ' Four crumpets a night,' he says, ' vill do your bisness in six months!' The patient looks him full in the face, and turns it over in his mind for a long time, and at last he says, ' Are you sure o' that 'ere. Sir ? ' * I'll stake my professional reputation on it,' says the doctor. ' How many crumpets at a sittin' do you think 'ud kill me off at once ? ' says the patient. ' I don't know,' says the doctor. ' Do you think half a crown's vurth 'ud do it,' says the patient. * I think it might,' says the doctor. ' Three shillin's vurth 'ud be sure to do it, I s'pose?' says the patient. 'Certainly,' says the doctor. * Wery good,' says the patient ; 'good night.' Next mornin' he gets up, has afire lit, orders in three shillins' vurth o' crumpets, toasts 'em all, eats 'em all, and blows his brains out."

" What did he do that for ? " enquired IMr. Pickwick abruptly ; for he was considerably startled by this tragical termination of the nar- rative.

'' Wot did he do it for. Sir ! " reiterated Sam. '< Wy, in support of his great principle that crumpets wos wholesome, and to show that he vouldn't be put out of his vay for nobody ! "

With such like shiftings and chancrings of the discourse, did Mr. Weller meet his master's questioning upon the night of his taking up his residence in the Fleet : finding all gentle remonstrance use- less, IMr. Pickwick at length yielded a reluctant consent to his taking lodgings by the week, of a bald-headed cobbler, who rented a small slip room in one of the upper galleries. To this humble apartment jMr. Weller moved a mattrass and bedding, which he hired of Mr. Roker ; and by the time he lay down upon it at night was as much at home as if he had been bred in the prison, and his whole familv had vegetated therein for three generations.

" Do you alvays smoke arter you goes to bed, old cock.'*" enquired Mr. Weller of his landlord, when they had both retired for the night.


 * ' Yes, 1 does, young bantam," replied the cobbler.

" Vill you allow me to en-quire vy you make up your bed under that 'ere deal table?" said Sam.

" 'Cause I was alvays used to a four-poster afore I came here, and I find the legs of the table answer just as well," replied the cobbler.

'' You're a character. Sir," said Sam.

" I haven't got anything of the kind belonging to me/' rejoined the cobbler, shaking his head; " and if you want to meet with a good one, I'm afraid you'll find some difficulty in suiting yourself at this register office."

The above short dialogue took place as Mr. Weller lay extended on his mattrass at one end of the room, and the cobbler on his at the other; tlie apartment being illumined by the light of a rush candle and the

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