Page:The Pilgrim's Progress, the Holy War, Grace Abounding Chunk3.djvu/71

Rh no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears" (Heb. xii. 16, 17).

197. Now was the word of the gospel forced from my soul, so that no promise or encouragement was to be found in the Bible for me; and now would that saying work upon my spirit to afflict me: "Rejoice not, O Israel, for joy, as other people" (Hos. ix. 1). For I saw, indeed, there was cause of rejoicing for those that held to Jesus; but as for me, I had out myself off by my transgressions, and left myself neither foot-hold nor hand-hold among all the stays and props in the precious word of life.

198. And truly I did now feel myself to sink into a gulf, as a house whose foundation is destroyed. I did liken myself in this condition unto the case of a child that was fallen into a mill-pit, who thought it could make some shift to scramble and sprawl in the water, yet because it could find neither hold for hand nor foot, therefore at last it must die in that condition. So soon as this fresh assault had fastened on my soul, that scripture came into my heart, This is for many days. (Dan. x. 14.) And indeed I found it was so; for I could not be delivered nor brought to peace again until wellnigh two years and a half were completely finished, Wherefore these words, though in themselves they tended to no discouragement, yet to me, who feared this condition would be eternal, they were at some times a help and refreshment to me.

199. For, thought I, many days are not for ever; many days will have an end. Therefore, seeing I was to be afflicted not a few but many days, yet I was glad it was but for many days. Thus, I say, I could recall myself sometimes, and give myself a help; for as soon as ever the word came into my mind, at first I knew my trouble would be long. Yet this would be but sometimes, for I could not always think on this, nor ever be helped by it though I did.

200. Now while these scriptures lay before me, and laid sin anew at my door, that saying in Luke xviii. 1, with others,