Page:The Pilgrim's Progress, the Holy War, Grace Abounding Chunk3.djvu/61

Rh the noise of wind upon me, but very pleasant, and, as if I heard a voice speaking, Didst thou ever refuse to be justified by the blood of Christ? And withal my whole life of profession past was in a moment open to me, wherein I was made to see that designedly I had not; so my heart answered groaningly, No. Then fell with power that word of God upon me, "See that ye refuse not him that speaketh" (Heb. xii. 25). This made a strange seizure upon my spirit; it brought light with it, and commanded a silence in my heart of all those tumultuous thoughts that did before use, like masterless hell hounds, to roar and bellow, and make a hideous noise within me. It showed me also that Jesus Christ had yet a word of grace and mercy for me; that he had not, as I had feared, quite forsaken and cast off my soul; yea, this was a kind of check for my proneness to desperation—a kind of threatening of me if I did not, notwithstanding my sins and the heinousness of them, venture my salvation upon the Son of God. But as to my determining about this strange dispensation, what it was I know not, or from whence it came I know not. I have not yet in twenty years' time been able to make a judgment of it; I thought then what here I should be loath to speak. But verily, that sudden rushing wind was as if an angel had come upon me; but both it and the salvation I will leave until the day, of judgment. Only this I say, it commanded a great calm in my soul; it persuaded me there might be hope; it showed me, as I thought, what the sin unpardonable was, and that my soul had yet the blessed privilege to flee to Jesus Christ for mercy. But I say, concerning this dispensation, I knew not what to say unto it yet; which was also in truth the cause that at first I did not, speak of it in the book; I do now also leave it to be thought on by men of sound judgment. I lay not the stress of my salvation there upon but upon the Lord Jesus in the promise; yet seeing I am here unfolding of my secret things, I, thought it might not be, altogether