Page:The Pilgrim's Progress, the Holy War, Grace Abounding Chunk3.djvu/39

Rh else but these from morning to night within me, and as though indeed there could be room for nothing else; and also concluded that God had, in very wrath to my soul, given me up to them, to be carried away with them as with a mighty whirlwind.

100. Only by the distaste that they gave unto my spirit I felt there was something in me that refused to embrace them. But this consideration I then only had when God gave me leave to swallow my spittle; otherwise the noise and strength and force of these temptations would drown and overflow, and as it were bury all such thoughts, or the remembrance of any such thing. While I was in this temptation I often found my mind suddenly put upon it to curse and swear, or to speak some grievous thing against God, or Christ his Son, and of the Scriptures.

101. Now I thought, Surely I am possessed of the devil. At other times, again, I thought I should be bereft of my wits: for instead of landing and magnifying God the Lord with others, if I have but heard him spoken of, presently some most horrible blasphemous thought or other would bolt out of my heart against him; so that whether I did think that God was, or again did think there was no such thing, no love, nor peace, nor gracious disposition could I feel within me.

102. These things did sink me into very deep despair, for I concluded that such things could not possibly be found amongst them that loved God. I often did compare myself to the case of such a child whom some gipsy hath by force took up in her arms, and is carrying from friend and country. Kick sometimes I did, and also shriek and cry; but yet I was bound in the wings of the temptation, and the wind would carry me away. I thought also of Saul, and of the evil spirit that did possess him, and did greatly fear that my condition was the same with that of his. (1 Sam. xvi. 14.)

103. In those days, when I have heard others talk of what was the sin against the Holy Ghost, then would the tempter