Page:The Pilgrim's Progress, the Holy War, Grace Abounding Chunk3.djvu/32

32 "I will cleanse their blood that I have not cleansed: for the Lord dwelleth in Zion" (Joel iii. 21). These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still upon God, and signified unto me that, if I were not already, yet time might come I might be in truth converted unto Christ.

77. About this time I began to break my mind to these poor people in Redford, and to tell them my condition; which when they had heard, they told Mr. Gifford of me; who himself also took occasion to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded of me, though I think from little grounds. But he invited me to his house, where I should hear him confer with others about the dealings of God with their souls; from all which I still received no conviction, and from that time began to see something of the vanity and inward wretchedness of my wicked heart. Now I evidently found that lusts and corruptions put forth themselves within main wicked thoughts and desires which I did not regard before: my desires also for heaven and life began to fail; I found, also, that whereas before my soul was full of longing after God, now it began to hanker after every foolish vanity—yea, my heart would, not be moved to mind that which was good. It began to be eareless, both of my soul and heaven; it would now continually hang back, both to and in every duty, and was as a clog on the leg of a bird to hinder him from flying.

78. Nay, I thought now I grow worse and worse; now I am farther from conversion than ever I was before. Wherefore I began to sink greatly in my soul, and began to entertain such discouragement in my heart as laid me as low as hell. I could not believe that Christ had a love for me. Alas I could neither hear him; nor see him, nor feel him, nor favour any of his things. I was driven as with a tempest; my heart would; be unclean—the Canaanites would dwell in the land.

79. Sometimes I would tell my condition to the people of God, when they would pity me, and would tell me of the