Page:The Pilgrim's Progress, the Holy War, Grace Abounding Chunk3.djvu/31

Rh love those words that spake of a Christian's calling, as when the Lord said to one, "Follow me;" and to another, "Come after me;" and oh, thought I, that he would say so to me too! how gladly would I run after him!

73. I cannot now express with what longings and breathings in my soul I cried to Christ to call me. Thus I continued for a time all on a flame to be converted to Jesus Christ, and did also see at that day such glory in a converted state that I could not be contented without a share therein. Gold! could it have been gotten for gold, what would I have given for it! Had I had a whole world, it had all gone ten thousand times over for this, that my soul might have been in a converted state.

74. How lovely now was every one in my eyes that I thought to be converted men and women! They shone, they walked like a people that carried the broad seal of heaven about them. Oh, I saw the lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heritage! (Ps. xvi. 6.) But that which made me sick was that of Christ in St. Mark: he went up into a mountain, and called to him whom he would, and they came unto him. (Mark ii. 13.)

75. This scripture made me faint and fear; yet it kindled fire in my soul. That which made me fear was this—lest Christ should have no liking to me, for he called "whom he would." But oh, the glory that I saw in that condition did still so enrage my heart that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call but I presently wished, Would I had been in their clothes; would I had been born Peter; would I had been born. John; or, would I had been by and have heard him when he called them! how would I have cried, O Lord, call me also I. But oh, I feared he would, not call me.

76. And truly the Lord let me go thus many months together, and showed me nothing, either that I was already or should be called hereafter. But at last, after much time spent and many groans to God, that word came in unto me,