Page:The Pacific Monthly vol. 14.djvu/139



HUMOR.

The Wail of the Billboards.

The agitation over the unsightliness of the billboards that harrow the esthetic sense of almost every civic community has caused no small concern among the billboards themselves. The following conversation, which was recently overheard in the sign room of a well-known firm of decorators, shows that the creations of advertisers have feelings themselves.

Sunny Jim — This Civic Improvement League makes me tired.

Mellin 's Food Baby — T 'ought oo never dot tired, Jim.

Sunny Jim — I don 't when there 's any- body looking. But that Civic Improvement League sure does fatigue me.

Friend Oats Cook — What are they trj'in' to do, Jim?

Sunny Jim — Tryin' to have us abolished. Friend Oats Cook — What's that mean? Sunny Jim — Torn down, Tausted up. Chocolate Waitress — Pomquoi? Are we not what you call ze — ze — beautiful? Non? Sunny Jim — They say we 're not. They say we are too high, too long, too short, too low, too ugly, too — well, just on the bum all 'round.

Chocolate Waitress — On ze bum! On ze bum, is eet! Oh, zis Improvement — what you call eet — League, eet iss on ze bum. Eet haf ze bad eye, ze crooked, ze cross eye. On ze bum, bah!

Shaving-Stick Man — Those old hayseeds need a shave.

Sunny Jim — Most of them are women. Pink Pill Dame — Then they need some of these Pink Pills for Pale People.

Columbia Soup Cook — What 'g the real kick, Jim?

Sunny Jim — Well, they say we spoil the beauty of the city, that we are unsightly, and that we are generally offensive.

Cigarette Triplets — They don't mean us, of course.

Chocolate Waitress — Poof! You dudes!

Stuck on ze shape. You, you ees ze vera ones.

Cigarette Triplets— Hear the sweet little

parlez-vous, will you? Ah there, sweetness!

Chocolate Waitress — Oh, you go to ze devil!

George W. Childrens — Children, children,

you mustn't quarrel. Let's all be generous

and good, and we'll all be happy.

Aunt Jemima — Whuffo' dey gwine buss us up? Tell me datf Whuffo' dey gwine do datf Dat's what Ah wants tu know.

Cigarette Triplets — Because you 're too big, Aunty.

Aunt Jemima — Wants you go on 'way f 'um me. Yer heah me? Don't talk ter me. Cigarette Triplets— Now, don't get mad, Aunty.

Aunt Jemima — Ah ain't mad. No, in- deedy. Ah don't 'low myself ter get mad wiv no low down white trash. No, suh! Ah is jes' er plain black niggah, but Ah is er heap sight bettah dan you-all po' white trash what smokes dem stinkin', good-fer- nothin' cigumeetes. Yah, suh, dat's what Ah is.

BRAND \

NStocli

PERFECTION IN] CAMhED GOODS

Fea.s.CornJruit:i Tomatoes, Bean^ Yejctabks, Catsup Salmon,01ivcOil vSYrup5Xlam5, Oysters. 6hrimp. Lob5ter5. ..

Allen SJIewi^

Portland. Om<?on'

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