Page:The Novels and Tales of Henry James, Volume 1 (New York, Charles Scribner's Sons, 1907).djvu/541

 loved quite as well as you; indeed I think I may say rather better, since I 've been constant. I 've been willing to give more than I received. I 've not forsaken one mistress because I thought another more beautiful, nor given up the other and believed all manner of evil about her because I had n't my way with her. I 've been a good friend to Christina Light, and it seems to me my friendship does her quite as much honour as your love!"

"Your love—your suffering—your silence—your friendship!" cried Roderick. "I declare I don't understand!"

"I dare say not. You 're not used to having to, in the least, where I 'm concerned; you 're not used to hearing me talk of my feelings or even to remembering that such things are possible, such luxuries thinkable to me. You 're altogether too much taken up with your interests. Be as much so as you like or as you must; I 've always respected your right. Only when I have kept myself in durance on purpose to leave you an open field, don't, by way of thanking me, come and call me an idiot."

"Oh, you claim then that you 've made sacrifices?"

"Several! You 've never suspected it?"

"If I had, do you suppose I would have allowed them?" Roderick magnificently demanded.

"They were sacrifices to friendship, and they were easily, eagerly, rejoicingly made. Only I don't enjoy having them thrown back in my teeth."

This was in all the conditions a sufficiently generous speech; but Roderick scanned it as he might have scanned the total of an account not presented in 507