Page:The New Yorker 0002, 1925-02-28.pdf/19

THE NEW YORKER "Genuine Queen Anne, sir. Note the leg." "Ah, yes--but I never really knew the Queen, you know." Make It Universal The labor agitator's speech: "Menace to our liberty." (Variation A.)

DON'T know Ernest F. Hubbard, who wrote a The capitalist's speech: Menace to our lib- piece called "A Boon to Babbitts" in the first num- erty." (Variation B.) ber of The New Yorker. But in loyalty, from now Speaking in school: "Breathes there. .. on I'm his man Friday (not to mention Sat., Sun., "Friends, Romans. ..." "The boy stood. ..." Mon., etc.—in fact all the week) because he has de- “Abou...." vised that code scheme whereby any after-dinner (f) The ship's concert: "Mighty Lak a...' speech can be reduced to a word or two by a mutually "It Isn't Raining. ..." "My Ro-..," "Rocked understood code. To my thinking, Mr. Hubbard, your scheme is And there are some Italian operas which might best simply egant. The sooner it comes, and the longer be rendered by a single soprano gurgle and trill. it stays the better. But why stop where you did? Why But I must stop somewhere, and leave something to not let this kernel swell, bud, bloom, fruit, and ever- the compiler of the code book.—Leonard Hatch lastingly ramify? May I suggest a few ways in which the same idea of substituting for pre-ordained words may be applied? Very well: Similes of New York, N. Y. (a) Have the ship news reporter simply say “What?"---meaning the questions on page 27 of As suspicious looking as a street car conductor din- the code book. ing in the Automat, (b) Let the departing guest murmur "Thanks." As cross-eyed as a man who has just met a friend to his host, or write the word instead of a b-and-b arriving from the double gates in the Pennsylvania letter. station, (c) “Who?" could stand for "Who's your Like asking a New Yorker your way in New York. bootlegger? Is he reliable? What does he charge? Necessary as curtains in apartments level with the "L." How can I get in touch with him?" (d) It would save time in swapping yarns to Scarce as hen's teeth or a cottage on Park Avenue. begin "It seems there was ..." and then mention As unnoticed as fire engine bells or church chimes. some specific pages between pp. 314-763 in the as- Changes color like a chameleon or an independent bestos supplement. Or "Djeva hear the one about taxi. the ... Page 612?” In that way a crowd could Hopeful as a commuter of a whole third act. -F.D. get through a round of stories in three minutes in- stead of hour and a quarter. (e) Extend the plan from after-dinner The Optimist speeches to all speeches and gatherings, as: The political speech: "Alarm ... pride. Pop: A man who thinks he can make it in par. Johnny: What is an optimist, Pop? Peepul." Digitized by Google