Page:The New Monthly Magazine - Volume 104.djvu/59

Rh name of—tail. The pigs were the first to he polished in this way. The thick, clumsy tail that betrayed the animal's vulgar Danish extraction, was metamorphosed into a slender, graceful je ne sais guoi, which, with a coquettish curl, significantly pointed upwards—sic itur ad astra; the dog who came under the influence of the Anglomania had its long drooping tail transformed into a short waving queue; and the horse subjected to the same ascendancy was found with only a reminiscence of that portion of his body.

But the year 1848, with its increased political and mercantile connexion with England, gave the Anglomania at once that spring for which it had been long, though silently, preparing; and it did not rest until it had taken a high stand among the peculiarities of the day. Socrates brought philosophy from heaven into the dwellings of man; in like manner it was a mercantile enterprise which introduced the Anglomania, viâ Lowestoft, into our community. It first obtained a seat on the clerk's high stool at the counting-house, and it afterwards managed to stretch its nonchalant legs on the sofas of a drawing-room. It now sits there—proud, stately, and arrogant—resting upon the consciousness of its own high merits, and is a leader in the social compact. We shall, therefore, note down a few traits of the natural history of Anglomania, or, lest some should prefer the expression, we will give some of the symptoms of the English sickness.

In the male sex the Anglomania begins to appear about the fifteenth year, and gradually increases until it comes to a head, somewhere in or near the twentieth year. Where the development is normal, the complaint evinces itself by the following signs:—The limbs shrink to an almost terrifying thinness, and are encased in grey, or in large-chequered, tight-fitting unmentionables; the waistcoat is elongated, and adorned with a chain, which forms from the lowest button-hole a circle of 180 degrees in its way to the pocket; the dark coat—a legitimate "Angloman" never wears a long frock coat—is furnished with buttons in the middle of the back, the sleeves expand at the wrist, and tighten at the top, near the collar; an astonishing quantity of white linen is shown upon the breast; the long neck is encompassed by a narrow tie with enormous bows, and a stiff shirt collar which prevents the free movement of the head. The hair is parted over the left eyebrow, and falls towards the right shoulder, and bristles out so at the side that the individual resembles a water-dog that had been struggling against a stormy south-easter. The pride of man—his beard—timidly mounts his cheek, and then shoots out in long whiskers; and the head is crowned with a little tiny bit of a straw hat, or an uncommonly large felt hat, or a cap belonging to the antediluvian world. The walk is so swinging, that the dangling eye-glass sways back and forwards, and the arms are infected with a parallel motion.

Hitherto ninety-nine per cent, of the "Anglomen" have belonged to the mercantile class, and when one of them has been so fortunate as to have spent two or three months in London or Newcastle, the complaint strikes inwardly, and betrays new symptoms. The patient exhibits a violent longing for raw beefsteaks, plum-pudding, porter, and ale; he feels indisposed in bright sunshiny weather, but becomes well and