Page:The Mikado or the town of titipu.djvu/9



Gentlemen, I'm much touched by this reception. I can only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a continuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to deserve. If I should ever be called upon to act professionally, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large.

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list — I've got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed — who never would be missed! There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs— All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs— All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat— All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that— And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist— They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed. There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race, And the piano organist — I've got him on the list! And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face. They never would be missed — they never would be missed! Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own; And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy, And "who doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try"; And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist— I don't think she'd be missed—I'm sure she'd not be missed!