Page:The Man with Two Left Feet.djvu/28

20 wondering why those fellows in the olden days made such a fuss when they had trouble with the Spanish Inquisition. "Halloa, Aunt Agatha!" I said.

"Bertie," she said, "you look a sight. You look perfectly dissipated."

I was feeling like a badly wrapped brown-paper parcel. I'm never at my best in the early morning, I said so.

"Early morning! I had breakfast three hours ago, and have been walking in the park ever since, trying to compose my thoughts."

If I ever breakfasted at half-past eight I should walk on the Embankment, trying to end it all in a watery grave.

"I am extremely worried, Bertie. That is why I have come to you."

And then I saw she was going to start Something, and I bleated weakly to Jeeves to bring me tea. But she had begun before I could get it.

"What are your immediate plans, Bertie?"

"Well, I rather thought of tottering out for a bite of lunch later on, and then possibly staggering round to the club, and after that, if I felt strong enough, I might trickle off to Walton Heath for a round of golf."

"I am not interested in your totterings and tricklings. I mean, have you any important engagements in the next week or so?"

I scented danger.

"Rather," I said. "Heaps! Millions! Booked solid!"

"What are they?"

"I — er — well, I don't quite know."

"I thought as much. You have no engagements. Very well, then, I want you to start immediately for America."

"America!"

Do not lose sight of the fact that all this was taking place on an empty stomach, shortly after the rising of the lark.

"Yes, America. I suppose even you have heard of America?"