Page:The Ladies' Cabinet of Fashion, Music & Romance 1832.pdf/5

Rh in my room, I would suddenly seize my hat with an effort, and sally forth in a quick step, resolutely determined to do something, I knew not what ; but before I got to the next corner my impulse evaporated ; I became again perfectly becalmed, and after stopping for a while to consider where under heaven I should go, quietly returned to my room again-again to meditate another sally. It can hardly be conceived, except by a kindred spirit, what delight it was for me to have anything to do, that did not involve either labour or trouble, both which I received with a horror unsurpassable. Nay, I could not bear to see any person hard at work ; and my bones imbibed the same sympathy with his labours, that those of Sancho Panza did with the sore bruises his sage master received in his misadventure with the Yanguesian carriers. It was a relief to me when my pencil wanted cutting-the honing of my razor was a perfect luxury- and helping my landlady to shell peas, the delight of my soul. But these could not last for ever : my principal resources were to consider what I should do, to do nothing, and to whistle quick tunes to make myself believe I was in a great hurry. I formed a close intimacy with a middleaged person who had left off business, and had much adoto live without it, for the sole purpose of having an antagonist at backgammon; and we used to spend whole days in playing and disputing whether chance or skill had most to do in winning the game, taking different sides just as luck happened to be in favour of one or the other. This was a great relief to me while it lasted, but one day my antagonist gammoned me six times in succession. This was the most serious misfortune that had ever yet befallen me ; I fell into a great passion, and made so many bitter reflections on my antagonist for his confounded luck, that he put on his hat, left the room, and never played with me afterwards. He was an irreparable loss to me, being almost the only philosophically idle man of my acquaintance. After this I took to playing by myself, and was for a long time tolerably happy in always taking the winning hand against my old antagonist, who had the cruelty to gammon me six times running. But use wears off the keen edge of pleasure, as it does of a knife, and I grew tired at last, even of being always on the winning side.

Just at this time Providence threw a furious chess-player in my way, which I look upon as the greatest blessing I ever received. He undertook to teach me, and I accepted his offer with gratitude. The game seemed made on purpose for me, producing, at first, exactly that gentle interest and excitement