Page:The Ladies' Cabinet of Fashion, Music & Romance 1832.pdf/18

Rh losses impaired my fortune not a little ; but I did not mind it, indeed I was rather rejoiced, as these occasional rubs roused me into a wholesome vexation, that kept me from that stagnant state of mind, which I dreaded above all things. It was not until I fell in love, and felt the want of that delightful confidence, which a full purse gives to the animal man in time of sore tribulation, that I found reason to regret the diminution of my fortune. But now, when I fancied it stood in the way of my becoming worthy of my lady love, I often pondered on the means of retrieving my losses, and this hint of a speculation effectually arrested my attention. Without being too particular, suffice it to say, that I yielded to the gentleman's infallible prognostics; I laid out nearly the whole of my fortune in the speculation, and my friendly adviser declined taking a share in the profits, being content with a certain defined allowance.

I had now ample employment between the perplexities of love and the anticipations of money, and settled in my own mind, that the realizing of the latter should put an end to the fears and hopes of the former. I continued my visits to the lady, but made no actual demonstrations, except by looks and actions, until the news arrived of the failure of my speculation, and the consequent downfall of all my towering hopes. I had now lost the best part of what remained of my property; and a fit of shyness came over me, that effectually prevented me from making my purposed declaration, even if I had been ever so anxious. But I had lost both the intrepidity and the inclination, and considered I had now so little fortune remaining, that it would not only be imprudent, but presumptuous, to expect a favourable reception to a proposal of this nature. I shut myself up in my room, and was miserable; but strange to say, not half so miserable as when I had nothing to trouble me. I neither thought of myself, nor my infirmities, real or imaginary; but I thought of my lady love so intently that I forgot myself, and what is very remarkable, never had the nightmare during the whole period of my seclusion. Neither did my time hang dead about my neck like a millstone, as it did when I was so perfectly free from all care and all employment. In short, I had something to think of, and that is the next best thing to having something to do.

One day my merry old friend came to see me. "What has become of you this age," said he, "and what is the matter, that we have not seen you lately? My cousin has inquired about you several times; so I came to see if you were becalmed, according to custom- or sick-or sulky-or-but what