Page:The Ladies' Cabinet of Fashion, Music & Romance 1832.pdf/10

Rh ignorance of the most common transactions of business, and the inevitable suspicions consequent upon it. I did not know what to do with my money, or how to invest it securely, and began seriously to contemplate buying an iron chest, and hoarding in imitation of my father. However, I blundered on, daily diminishing my property by mismanagement, and fretting over my losses. All this time, I was consoled, however, by the gradual improvement of my health and spirits. My thoughts ceased, by degrees, to prey upon myself, and were drawn offto my affairs. I became busy, brisk, and lively. I defied the nightmare and all her works. I began to relish ease at proper intervals, and in spite of all the troubles and vexations of business, I was ten times better off than when I had nothing on the face of the earth to trouble me-but myself. I began to comprehend the possibility of a man, without anything to vex him, being the most miserable being upon earth.

Cheered by this unexpected result of a little salutary worldly vexation, I went on with renewed zeal, and took courage to add to a little troubling of the spirit, a little shaking of the body. I actually purchased a horse, and trotted valiantly among the dandy equestrians, very little at first to the recreation of mind or body, for nothing could equal the aching of my bones, but the mortification of my spirit, in seeing, as I fancied, every body laughing at my riding. I should have observed that it was this natural shyness, which formed a part of my character, that always stood in the way of my exertions. It kept me from going into company, from the never- to-be-forgotten night, when being seduced into a tea-party, I got well nigh roasted alive, for want of sufficient intrepidity to change my position by crossing the room. It prevented my taking refuge in the excitement of dress; for I never put on a new coat that I did not feel as if I had got into a strait waistcoat, and keep clear of all my acquaintance, lest they should think I wanted to exhibit my finery. In short, I was to bashful for a beau, too timid for a gambler, too proud for a politician, and thus I escaped the temptations of the town, more from a peculiarity of disposition than from precept or example.

I think I have somewhere read-—or perhaps only dreamed that the pride of man waxed exceeding great, from the moment he had subjected the horse to his dominion. It certainly is a triumph to sit on such a noble animal, tamed perfectly to our will, and to govern his gigantic strength and fiery mettle with silken rein, or a whispered aspiration. It strengthens the nerves and emboldens the spirits, at least it did mine. By degrees,