Page:The Kaleidoscope; Or, Literary and Scientific Mirror (1824-03-30; Vol 4 Iss 196).djvu/4

Rh Chapter 27''th. Settling with Mr. De Pilsen.''—The cake-seller was not long absent: he soon returned, to call for the payment of his merchandise, and to request some indemnification for the terror he had undergone. Both were immediately granted by the student, and he then went to the coffee-room of the inn, where he took an earthen pipe from the shelf, and sat down in a corner to smoke and reflect again. If Jupiter should come to any misfortune, what would be the consequence? and how would his friend Fabian Sebastian like it? The nearer the fatal stipulated term approached, the more this required to be taken into consideration; and all the probably impending consequences had never struck him so forcibly before. His train of thoughts, and the cloudy atmosphere, of his own creation, had made him entirely forget that he was in a public room, and in the midst of a numerous company: but the whispering and tittering around him increased so much, that at last it attracted his attention, the more so as he thought he heard the voice of the arch-fiend De Pilsen. The latter had actually been long amusing the guests at the expense of the student; and, taking his inactivity for cowardice, he became at last so bold, that he threw out a kind of indirect challenge, by placing a chair in the middle of the room, with a great noise, and sitting down upon it with the declaration, that he was quite in a fighting mood, and that he ardently wished somebody would give him an opportunity of taking a little exercise: at the same time he directed his quizzing-glass in so striking a manner towards the smoker, that his meaning could not possibly be mistaken. It appeared, however, as if Jeremiah Schnackenberger had lost hearing and seeing: he finished his pipe without altering even a muscle in his face; and when he finally arose, the spectators thought that he had enough, and that his exit would give them an opportunity of indulging in the loud laughter which they had so long contained; when they saw him, to their great surprise, stop before Mr. De Pilsen, and, very quietly, knock his pipe against the challenger’s nose, until every particle of the accumulated ashes had fallen to the ground. The sufferer had become pale and speechless during the operation: but when it was over, and nothing further seemed likely to follow, he plucked up his spirit, and ran after the operator with open arms, exclaiming, “Well, I declare you are the very man I want; we are quite made for each other, and must be friends.”—“Enough, fellow, never dare to call me your friend again; and if ever you should feel inclined to amuse yourself and friends with choice anecdotes, do not forget to mention at whose nose I have cleared my pipe.” Thus the hero departed, and the bursts of laughter became quite as loud as they had anticipated, with the remarkable difference, that they were set up at the expense of Mr. De Pilsen, who immediately left the room, and was never more heard of.

Chapter 28th.—A duel.—Jeremiah had but just reached his own room again, when he heard the sound of such boots and spurs as only he himself and his most intimate friends used to wear. The door opened, and in came Mr. Fabian Sebastian, to whom the horse-dealer had betrayed the excursion of his fellow-collegian. “Brother,” he said, “the time is expired, where is the dog? I bring the money with me.” Mr. Schnackenberger shrugged his shoulders. “That won’t do, brother; you have been wrong in taking my property out of my sight, and you are answerable for it.” “But,” said Jeremiah, “supposing the dog to be lost.” “Then we must fight until he comes back again. Here is your money.” “Well, let that alone for the present, and listen.” Fabian listened, but did not relish what was said; and he expressed his disapprobation so plainly, that a challenge ensued. This was forthwith accepted; but the purchaser insisted, once more, on the seller’s pocketing the money, because he would not have another man’s property on his conscience, not he. Jeremiah complied, at last, sent to the Golden Sow, in order to release his sword, by paying the bill; and as soon as it was brought, he girded his loins and set off with his companion. A convenient place was soon selected; but, when the swords were already drawn, Mr. SchnackenbergeSchnackenberger [sic] could not help remarking how unfortunate it was that two old and faithful friends should fall out about a worthless brute. “I assure thee, brother,” he said, “the beast brings nothing but mischief upon the owner, whosoever he may be.” “That is very possible,” replied Fabian Sebastian, “but as matters now stand we cannot decently avoid fighting.” “No more we can,” quoth Jeremiah, “so cut away, and you shall get as good as you give, I warrant you.” The swords were now actually set to work, and some strokes had been given and parried with equal skill, when Jupiter came suddenly through the hedge, and seized Mr. Fabian by the breast. Jeremiah dropped his weapon; and the contest was finished. The buyer and the seller now rivalled each other in generosity, by mutually offering to give up their claims; whilst Jupiter, catching a glance of a straggling hare, set off in pursuit of it: a shot fell nearly at the same time, and the reconciled friends ran to the spot with sad forebodings. Alas! their fears were but too well founded. Jupiter lay weltering in his blood. A gamekeeper had done the deed, and already withdrawn to his habitation, from the window of which he exhibited to the young men the printed game-laws, and the loaded guns of his assistants, against which the hangers of the strangers would stand but a poor chance. The advice was taken, and a speedy return to the inn was resolved upon.

Chapter 29''th. Arrival at the University.''—“Well, now!” cried Jeremiah, as he perceived the waiter, “bring us Champaign, Old Hock, and whatever else becomes a solemn occasion: we have a funeral to celebrate, and you see that we are well provided with the means.” So saying, he threw the purchase money on the table, and protested that he would not rise from it until every farthing of the sum was fairly spent. The more the friends drank, the more they became convinced that Jupiter’s death was a very happy event, not only for themselves and all their acquaintances, but even for the animal; because blows and other corrections had never been of any use to him, nor would they have been in future.

Their resolution to make merry with the amount in question was religiously fulfilled; and it was only after its literal completion that the young men thought of resuming their studies. Their safe arrival at their usual place of residence was heard with great joy by all the Philistines (tradespeople and other creditors) and some of them did not fail to pay their immediate respects to Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger, who addressed them in the following terms:—“My very good and worthy friends, I know you are a sensible set of people, who would rather walk quietly down stairs than fly out of the window, and I trust that you will pay due attention to what I have to communicate. My supplies from home arrived as expected, but a confounded bathing-place has swallowed the whole; and you must wait until the loss is repaired.”—The speaker’s reputation stood very high, and his auditors were so well persuaded of his integrity that they not only submitted to what they could not help, but that several among them offered to make the necessary advances to supply him until his affairs should be restored to perfect order.

Liverpool, February, 29, 1824.

The beginning of the 23d chapter is not exactly in unison with my own taste; although I have softened it down as much as circumstances and the connection of the story would permit. In the mean time, I do not see how it could be expunged without a great loss of effect and influence on the following scenes; nor am I aware that it could be replaced by any thing more comical: but I should have no objection to a little sacrifice in poinpoint [sic] of ludicrousness, if means could be found to manage otherwise, without too great a weakening of the general plot. 





