Page:The Journal of Leo Tolstoy.djvu/34

 The Journal of Leo Tolstoi [1895

various lives. In the present life, this widening appears to me in the form of love. This widen- ing is necessary for my inner life and it is also necessary for the life of this world. But my life can manifest itself not only in this form. It man- ifests itself in an innumerable quantity of forms. Only this one is apparent to me.

But in the meantime, the movement of life un- derstood by me in this world, through the enlarge- ment of love in myself and through the union of beings through love, produces at the same time other effects, one or many, unseen by me. As for instance, I put together 8 toy cubes to make a pic- ture on one side of them, not seeing the other sides of the constructed cubes, but on the other sides are being formed pictures just as regular, though unseen by me.

(All this was very clear when it came into my head, and now I have forgotten everything and the result is nonsense.)

10) I have thought much about God, about the essence of my life, and it seemed I only doubted one and the other and believed in my own conclusions; and then, one time, not long ago, I simply had the desire to lean upon my faith in God and in the indestructibility of my soul, and to my astonishment I felt so firm and calm a con- fidence, as I have never felt before. So that all my doubts and scrutinisings have evidently, not only

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