Page:The Journal of Leo Tolstoy.djvu/27

November] fulfilling a promise to S.3, I read through all my journals for the past seven years.

It seems to me, I am approaching a simple and clear expression of that by which I live. How good that I didn't finish the Catechism!4 I think I shall write it differently and better, if the Father wishes it. I understand why it is impossible to say it quickly. If it could be said all at once, by what then would we live in the realm of thought? It will never be given me to go farther than this task.

I just took a walk and understood clearly why I can't make Resurrection go better: it was begun falsely. I understood this in thinking over again the story: Who is Right?5 (about children). I understood that one must begin with the life of the peasants, that they are the subject, they are positive, but that the other thing is shadow, the other thing is negative. And I understood the same thing about Resurrection. One must begin with her.6 I want to begin immediately.

During this time there were letters: from Kenworthy,7 a beautiful one from Shkarvan,8 and from a Dukhobor in Tiflis.9

Have written to no one for a long time. General indisposition and no energy. The stage manager and the decorator10 were here, students from Kharkov against whom I think I did not sin, Ivan Ivanovich Bochkarev,11 Kolasha.12