Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 25.pdf/301

 USELESS BUT ENTERTAINING THE LAWYER'S BRIEF TO HIS LOVE Priscilla, it is more than wrong, To keep me in suspense so long! (See Bigelow's "Torts" and Wharton's "Crimes," And Callahan v. Grimes!) Now, while the year is at the May, You ought the happy "yes" to say, Conforming to the well-known rule. {"Ex parte James O'Toole!") Too long I've been at call and beck (Smith v. Jones, page 9, et seq.), I tell you, dear, it isn't right! (See Gibbons v. White!) Should you refuse to grant my prayer, I'll have to find a girl elsewhere; Relying on the well-known case Of Simpkins v. Chase! But I'm assured that when you've read The cases cited just ahead You'll recognize, with mind profound, That my opinion's sound; Which done, you'll enter, blithe and free, A large "nolo contenderee!" And marry me to save, to boot, The further costs of suit! — Chicago Inter-Ocean. Few lawyers in Wisconsin enjoyed deeper respect of the public than did the late Chief Justice Edward G. Ryan, Wisconsin Supreme Court. Yet, he was a man of violent temper and, naturally, most decided likes and dislikes. In his "Story of a Great Court," a history of the Wisconsin Supreme Court, the present Chief Justice, John B. Winslow, tells a story that illustrates this characteristic of the great lawyer. "While in partnership with Senator Carpenter," Justice Winslow writes, "there was employed in the office a clerk, against whom Mr. Ryan had taken a violent and uncontrollable dislike, so extreme that he could not even abide his presence in the same room. "At one time, while Mr. Carpenter was attending court in Beloit, this clerk came into Mr. Ryan's room and asked him if he had any instructions to give him as to the office work. "'Yes, sir, I have,' said Ryan, and turning

to his desk, hastily wrote a few lines, handed it to the clerk and directed him to take it to Mr. Carpenter, as soon as he could. The clerk, impressed with the importance of the message, rushed to the station, just succeeded in catching the train, and on his arrival in Beloit made equal speed in taking the note to Mr. Carpenter. Tearing it open Mr. Carpenter read: "'Matt. H. Carpenter. Dear Sir: I want you to keep your lackey out of my office. "Yours respectfully, "'E. G. RYAN.'" This must date from 1901 and upwards unless it comes down from the One Hoss Shay period: — Client rushes into his lawyer's office: "I don't believe we can collect that judgment you re covered for me. I find the man has nothing but an automobile." "Well," said his counsel, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "Perhaps / could use that." Assistant District Attorney Clark was con ducting a case in the Criminal Court. A large, rough-shouldered negro was in the witness-chair. "An' then," said the witness, "we all went down in the alley, an' shot a few craps." "Ah," said Mr. Clark, swinging his eye-glass impressively. "Now, sir, I want you to address the jury and tell them just how you deal craps." "Wass that?" asked the witness, rolling his eyes. "Address the jury, sir," thundered Mr. Clark, "and tell them just how you deal craps." "Lemme outen heah," said the witness, uneasily. "Firs' thing I know this gemman gwine ask me how to drink a sandwich." — San Francisco A rgonaut. One dull day in a law office in a small Kansas town, the lawyer and his assistants were much surprised to see entering the door a man with a badly swollen face tied up with a big handker chief. Before saying anything he sank wearily into a chair. Scenting an assault and battery case, and perhaps a damage suit, the lawyer briskly inquired what he could do for the weary one and the answer he received was: "Say "No,"is replied this the place the lawyer. where you "We pullsometimes teeth?" help people to cut their teeth, but we never pull them." — Chicago Legal News.