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 The Green Bag Volume XXIV

September, 1912

Number 9

The Bobbins Lexiphone BY DAN C. RULE, JR. EVANDER GUMSHEUGH BOBBINS was a man of modest mien, Though his natural endowments were so admirably keen, And his research so extensive, that it's worse than useless to Attempt the briefest mention of the things Evander knew. Yet years of pure devotion to the cause of science, which Should have brought him ample income, left our hero far from rich; But by way of compensation, he had two firm friends in town, V-i-z, to-wit, and namely, Justice Byng and Lawyer Browne, And in lieu of fame and fortune, had evolved a scheme sublime That would rip the lath and plaster off the corridors of time. Ah, the many difficulties under which Evander strove Would have driven most inventors to the corkscrew and the clove! But one morn his great invention stood completed, and he cried From his natural emotions of excessive joy and pride. Thought he, "Who'll be more happy than dear old Byng and Browne To find that I am destined for great riches and renown? I'll see that these two lawyers are first of all on earth To examine my invention and to pass upon its worth." So, in answer to his summons, putting by their own affairs, His two devoted comrades came toiling up the stairs. He greeted them with ardor, and said, "My faithful friends, You have no premonition of what this hour portends, But future epic poets shall sing this time and place As marking mighty progress in the welfare of the race. Yon wondrous mechanism, which weighs but sixty pounds, Vill increase the speed of lawcourts by prodigious leaps and bounds; No more the crowded docket; no more the 'law's delays'; But lawyers, courts, and clients shall warble hymns of praise, And every evil-doer his subtlest crimes must own When haled into the presence of the Bobbins Lexiphone."