Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 24.pdf/245

 216

The Green Bag

mated with a laudable desire to make things smooth, turned to the judge with the confidential remark : — "You see, your honor, that there house always was cattawampus." "What did the witness say?" asked the learned judge, not quite certain that he had heard aright. Whereupon a smart young lawyer jumped up and explained with a patron izing air, half for the judge who couldn't understand plain England, half for the ignorant witness who couldn't choose more elegant language : — "Your honor, the witness said catta wampus, but what he meant to signify was that the house was built snatch wise." EXCUSES IN COURT OHAKSPERE'S lines: — And oftentimes, excusing of a fault Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse,

are exemplified in a story told of Lord Eldon, who is said to have been the readiest of barristers in offering neat excuses to the court. Eldon's remarks were frequently of the most impudent sort. A young counsel, lacking in selfcontrol, hearing judgment against his client, exclaimed that he was astonished at such a decision. He was ordered by the judges to attend at the bar next morning, to answer for his irregular remark. Lord Eldon, then plain Mr. Scott, undertook to see his friend through the little difficulty. When his name was called, Scott rose and said: — "My lord, I am sorry that my young friend has so far forgotten himself as to treat your honorable bench with dis respect. He is extremely penitent, and you will kindly ascribe his unintentional insult to his ignorance. You must see that it originated in that.

"He said that he was surprised at the decision df your lordships. Now, if he had not been very ignorant of what takes place in this court every day — had he but known you half as long as I have, he would not have been aston ished at anything."

VERY TOUGH A PERSON should be quite sure of his facts before he broaches a theory; that is, unless he has the impu dence of the Frenchman or the wit of Lord Mansfield. The Frenchman, on being told that the facts contradicted a theory which he had rashly put forth, exclaimed, with frank impudence: — "The facts contradict my theory? Then so much worse for the facts." On a trial before Lord Mansfield, a witness named Elm gave his evidence with remarkable clearness, although he was more than eighty years of age. Surprised at the old man's mentality, his lordship examined him as to his habits of living, and found that he had throughout life been an early riser and a very temperate man. "I have always observed," said the Chief Justice in an approving tone, "that without temperance and good habits, longevity is never attained." The next witness, an elder brother of the early riser, also surprised his lord ship in the clearness of the evidence he gave. "I suppose," said Lord Mansfield, "that you also are an early riser." "No, my lord," answered the veteran frankly. "I like my bed at all times, and especially in the morning." "Ah, but like your brother, you are no doubt a temperate man?" asked the judge, anxious for the fate of his theory. "My lord," replied this ancient Elm, who lived in an age when drinking was