Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 24.pdf/184

 The Editor's Bag has just finished, and submit the case without argument." With that he took his seat, and the silence was oppressive. THE POLITEST OF JUDGES OCCASIONALLY there are judges on the bench so polite that their courtesy is vexatious to the recipients. Justice Graham of England was spoken of as the most polite judge that ever wore the ermine. "My honest friend," he would say to some convicted criminal, "you are found guilty of a felony, for which it is my pain ful duty to sentence you to transporta tion for the term of ten years." On one occasion he, by mistake, sen tenced a man to transportation who had been convicted of a crime punishable by death. Having been set right by the clerk of the court, His Lordship gravely exclaimed : — "Dear me! I beg his pardon, I am sure!" Then putting on the black cap, he courteously apologized to the pris oner for his mistake, and sentenced him to be hanged by the neck until he was dead. A GREAT SPEECH AN INDIANA lawyer, whose elo quence was of the "spread-eagle" sort, was addressing a jury at great length, when his legal opponent, grow ing weary, went outside to rest. "'Old Ironsides' is making a great speech," said some one to the bored attorney. "'Old Ironsides' always makes a great speech," said the other. "If you or I had occasion to announce that two and two make four, we'd be just fools enough to blurt it right out. Not so 'Old Ironsides.' He would say:

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"'If, by that particular arithmetical rule known as addition, we desired to arrive at the sum of two integers added to two integers, we should find — and I assert this boldly, sir, and without fear of successful contradiction — we, I re peat, should find by the particular arith metical formula before mentioned — and, sir, I hold myself perfectly responsi ble for the assertion that I am about to make — that the sum of the two given integers added to the two other integers would be FOUR!'"

NEED OF DISCRIMINATION THOSE who like that peculiarly rich, pulpy Western fruit known as the papaw, which has been defined as "a natural custard," are likely to be im moderately fond of it; but those who do not like it nearly always have a strong aversion to it. A man was on trial in a Missouri court, charged with having broken into a neighbor's premises and stolen a bushel of this fruit. The first man examined as to his qualifications to sit on the jury was asked this question, among others: "Do you like papaws?" "I can eat a hatful of them at a sit ting," answered the man, with a broad smile. "Your honor," said the prosecuting attorney, "we challenge this man." "On what ground?" asked the court. "On the ground, your honor, that any man who likes papaws would feel like justifying any other man for steal ing them, on account of the temptation being irresistible." "You may stand aside, sir/' said the judge. The next man who was examined did not like papaws — the very idea of eat ing them "made him sick."