Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/83

 THE GREEN BAG "Quite so," said the judge; " it is not the And noble Woodard let untimely, fall, ' quid ' that the defendant objects to, I pre We, jealous, guard; the readier, Cornish, we To see that bench, that robe, adorned by thee! sume, but the ten quid." Sir Joseph Jekyll was a born wit, of whom We would amend, had we the words of art, many amusing stories are told. Once when Our halting brief, yet speaks it from the an attorney called Else, of small stature and heart! poor reputation, addressed him thus in court: Then, brothers, stand! The court: A toast! "My lord, I understand that you have called A cheer! me a pettifogging scoundrel. Is that so?" Do all in love, and keep the record clear! "Sir," answered Jekyll sternly, " I am not By'Bartlett Brooks, Esq. Read at dinner aware that I have ever called you a scoundrel to Justice Leslie C. Cornish, Niben Club, Oct. or a pettifogger, but I may have said that you 31, 1907. Fixing the Time. — In a murder trial in are little Else." And to give but one more example of his Cincinnati a negro hotel porter was called as wit. On another occasion a maiden lady of a witness. " How many shots were fired?" he sour visage was being examined before him was asked. with the object of proving that she had made "Two shots, suh," he answered. a tender of a certain sum of money, when "Close together?" Jekyll jotted down this couplet and handed "Des laik dat, suh," he said, slapping his it to the examining counsel: hands sharply as quick as he could. Garrow, submit — that tough old jade "Where were you when the first was fired?" Will never prove a tender maid. "I was in de basemen' of de hotel, suh, Proclamation of the Crier. — shinin' a gemman's shoes." "And when the second shot was fired where The court is set. The learned clerk looks wise. were you?" The sheriff nods, and now the crier cries: All persons who bring business here today, "At dat time, suh, I was passin' de Big May hence depart, with all the speed they may. Fo' depot." Let wit and laughter, quip and prank, and gird Contempt. — Tudor Jenks, the author of Come into presence, and they shall be heard! many bits of humorous verse and prose, has The court has ruled; in high contempt are we always had difficulty on first meeting people If aught be spoke of motion, brief, or plea. in getting them to accept his name as his own. This court will try cases more pleasing, far, They insist on regarding it as a rather odd Equity session, now, for Bench and Bar. pseudonym. Recently the matter has grown The issue, now, is definite and clear, worse and he has experienced difficulty in Penobscot bar versus these tables here, establishing its right in articulate speech. But ere we bend us to this royal sport, The other day, in front of the Fifth Avenue Leave being granted, we address the court. Hotel, Mr. Jenks was an involuntary witness Our declaration : friendship, warm, sincere. to a fight between two cab drivers. The men Our plea: that you would make your dwelling were promptly arrested and Mr. Jenks was haled to court with them to tell what he had here, seen. The police magistrate was elderly, Move to dismiss the care that business lends, But keep the count that counts us all your gruff and short-tempered. friends "What is your name?" asked the lawyer. The jurisdiction of the court — attest "Tudor Jenks." One word, a word not spoke in jest, "Once more, please." That bench where Appleton made justice — "Tudor Jenks." law, A sharp rap from the Court, and this, That bench where Peters spoke without a explosively: flaw. "Witness will stop making a funny noise That robe that Wiswell honored first of all, and give his name!" — Saturday Herald.