Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/81

 THE GREEN BAG

THE LIGHTER SIDE Full Faith and Credit. — The Census Taker "Your name, mum?" "I don't know." "Beg pardon, mum?" "I've been divorced. At present my name is Mrs. Jones in this State. In several States it is Miss Smith, my maiden name, and in three States it is Mrs. Brown, my first husband's name." "This your residence, mum?" "I eat and sleep here, but I have a trunk in a neighboring State, where I am getting a divorce from my present husband." "Then you're married at present?" "I'm married in Texas, New York, and Massachusetts; divorced in South Dakota, Missouri, Alaska, Oklahoma, and California; a bigamist in three other States, and a single one in eight others." — Chicago Law Journal. His Own Interest. — A Richmond lawyer was consulted not long since by a colored man who complained that another negro owed him three dollars, a debt which he absolutely refused to discharge. The creditor had dunned and dunned him, but all to no purpose. He had finally come to the lawyer in the hope that he could give him some good advice. "What reason does he give for refusing to pay you? " asked the legal man. "Why, boss," said the darky, " he said he done owed me dat money for so long dat de interest had et it all up, an" he didn't owe me a cent." — Harper's Weekly. A Good Witness. — Buzfuz: " Now, be care ful Mr. Gibbins. You were, I believe, an old friend of the prisoner. Did you ever notice that he behaved strangely when he was alone." Gibbins: " Well, sir, you see sir, I wern't never wid him when he was alone sir." In Practice. — Admiring Friend: I see that you are now practicing law. Frank Fledgling : No sir, I appear to be prac ticing law, but I am really practicing economy. How Lawyer Gray Startled the Judges. — A. D. Gray, the Preston lawyer, popularly known as Archie Gray, of the Republican state central committee, startled the sedate judges of the state supreme court this morning when, in arguing a damage case arising from inter

ference with a water-course, he tragically ex claimed : "God Almighty removed this barrier!" And then he added : "And he went on the stand and admitted it." The court was unable to find that this was proven by the record, however though another witness had admitted it. — St. Paul Daily News. Canada's Supreme Court has fixed a maxi mum of three hours for counsel's addresses, which decree has recalled some tales of overlong speeches. The story is told of a counsel who pressed his argument for a long time with frequent repetition. "Mr. ," said the judge, " you have said that before." "Have I, my lord?" replied counsel, apolo getically. " I am very sorry; I forgot it." "Don't apologize," was the judicial response, "it was so very long ago." An American lawyer, who seemed unable to arrive at the end of a prolonged speech, at last ventured to express a fear that he was taking up too much time. "Oh, never mind time," observed the judge, "but for goodness sake, do not trench upon eternity." — Buffalo Commercial. Good Intentions. — " The question is as to the intent of the law." "That's easy; the intent of the law is to make business for the lawyers. — Syracuse Herald. Wouldn't like Witnesses Either. — Little Ella: I'm never going to Holland when I grow up. Governess: Why not? Little Ella : 'Cause our geography says it's a low, lying country. — Life. He Practiced Law by Ear. — When Graver leveland was practicing law in Buffalo one of his friends was a lazy young lawyer who was forever pestering him with questions about egal points that he could just as well have ooked up for himself. Even Cleveland's patience had an end. One day as his friend entered he remarked : "There are my books. Help yourself to them. You can look up your own case."