Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/745

 578

THE GREEN BAG

When the lawyer had finished his cross-exami nation Lewis asked : — "Where were you born?" "In Ireland." "Where in Ireland?" "In Dublin." "Where in Dublin?" "On Chapel street, between Coffin and Cradle." "So you are an Irishman, are you?"

"Yes, sir?" BU$IHE$$ MANAGER'S SONG.

How dear to my heart IS the caSh of Subscription, When the generouS Subscriber Pre$ent$ it to view; But the one who won't pay I refrain from description, For that one, gentle reader, That one may be you. — Ex. Ladylike. — " You say you acted like a perfect lady throughout?" "Sure, yer honor; when he tips his hat to me and me not knowin' him, I ups with a rock an' caves in his face." — Houston Post. Cheap Sentiment. — Mrs. Dewtell. I do think Mr. Hankinson is the meanest man I ever heard of, without exception. Mrs. Jenkins. " Why, what's he been doing?" Mrs. Dewtell. " Sued a man for alienation of his wife's affections and set the damages at only Sio." —Judge. Too Long. — Judge (to prisoner). "We are now going to read you a list of your former convictions." Prisoner. " In that case, perhaps your lordship will allow me to sit down." Satur day Evening Post. A Cause for Thanks..— " Ah, my dear Mr. Briefless," said Mr. Hardcash, seizing the young barrister's hand and shaking it warmly, "I am so immensely obliged to you. That case the other day, you know — I won it." "Thanks," replied Briefless, " but did I represent you?" "No, my dear fellow," replied Hardcash; "you represented the other man." — Home Herald.

TO A LADY LAWYER.

A Declaration. Now conies the plaintiff in his suit, And says that heretofore, To wit : at divers dates and times — (Of which he is not sure), He did possess, to wit: he had, A fine large heart (a copy Of which is hereunto annexed), The color of a poppy; Said heart, hereinbefore described, Defendant has converted, And plaintiff has been damnified. To wit: he has been hurted. The Answer. Now comes defendant in response To plaintiff's declaration, And says that if the plaintiff prove Aforesaid allegation, Then she avers said heart is held By her in rightful pledge, To wit : she is bailee of same; And further doth allege Said bailment to be duly made For good consideration, To wit: hfr heart, which plaintiff has By fair hypothecation. — M. L. Church. Another High-paid Author. — " Wunst I got a dollar a word." "G'wan!" "Fact. For talking back to a judge. — Louisville Courier-Journal. Willing to Oblige. —• Several years ago an affray in a western mining town resulted in murder; .but Senator Thurston of Nebraska, believing the man who was accused to have had innocent intention, took up his case and had the punishment lightened. Six months afterward a man, armed to the teeth, appeared in the Senator's office. "Are you Squire Thurston?" he roared. "Yes," said the Senator. "And are you the fellow that helped Jack Hurley at court?" The Senator, thinking that his time had come, again said " Yes." "Well," said the man with the guns and bowie knives, " I'm Hurley's pardner, an' I've come to pay you. I haven't any money, but