Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/743

 THE GREEN BAG smoking his cigar, minding nothing. This was too much for the peace loving Senator, and he stepped up in front of the irate occupant and pulled the window down, and intimated in strong English that he expected him to have it remain there. The friends, after hear ing the story, asked the Senator how he dared to do that in a foreign country, and shock the sensibility of a citizen of such a country. The Senator replied, saying, " I had thought all that out, and stood ready in case he offered me any further insult to pull the nothbremse, and test my rights under German law right there." No Arguments Left. — " Have you," asked the judge of a recently convicted man, "any thing to offer the court before sentence is passed?" "No, your honor," replied the prisoner, "my lawyer took my last cent." — Stray Stories. A MODERN WISE MAN.

There was a man in our town And he was wondrous wise, He bought a busted traction line And boomed it to the skies. And when he pushed it double par He sold it out, and then He hammered it into the ground And bought it back again. He played the game for years and years, Till he was wearied quite, For though it knew it had to lose The crowd would always bite. At last he bought another line And quickly merged the two, He turned his hose upon the stock And soaked it through and through. The crowd that made a rush for that You couldn't see for dust; He loaded it and sat around To see the thing " go bust;" And when it did he volunteered To help reorganize; In payment he received a block Of stock of goodly size, The game of boom and sell it out And watch its certain fall, Then buy it back, he played until Once more he owned it all.

All this was many years ago, But you can safely bet That if his health is fairly good He plays the old game yet. Justice.—• A lawyer once asked a man who had at various times sat on several juries, "Who influenced you most — the lawyers, the witnesses, or the judge? " He expected to get some useful and interesting information from so inexperienced a juryman. This was the man's reply: " I'll tell yer, sir, 'ow I makes up my mind. I'm a plain man, and a reason ing man, and I ain't influenced by anything the lawyers say, nor by what the witnesses say, no, nor by what the judge says. I just looks at the man in the docks and I says, ' If he ain't done nothing, why's he there? ' And I brings 'cm all in guilty." — Christian Register. Who Came Out Ahead? — Judge Longworth, of Cincinnati, the father of Nicholas Longworth, was very fond of talking with the "sons of toil." While driving through Eden Park one day in his dog-cart, Judge Longworth stopped a plodding laborer and asked him if he wanted a lift. The Irishman ac cepted, and once in the cart, the Judge said: "Well, Pat, you'd be a long time in Ireland before you would be driving with a judge." "Yes, sir," replied the Judge's guest. "And you'd be manny a day in Ireland before they'd make ye a judge." One Way. — A story, said to be character istic is told of an Arkansas judge. It seems that when he convened court at one of the towns on his circuit it was found that no pens, ink, or paper had been provided, and, upon inquiry, it developed that no county funds were available for this purpose. The judge expressed himself somewhat forcefully, then drew some money from his own pocket. He was about to hand this to the clerk, when a visiting lawyer, a high-priced, imported arti cle, brought on to defend a case of some im portance spoke up, in an aside plainly audible over the room. "Well," he remarked, with infinite con tempt, " I've seen some pretty bad courts, but this — well, this is the limit!" The old judge flushed darkly.