Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/690

 THE LIGHTER SIDE

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THE LIGHTER SIDE A Good Judge of Color.— Joseph H. Choate, the famous lawyer, tells of a striking case in which a workman claimed to have lost the sight of his left eye by an explosion. "There was no doubt that the man's eye had been injured, but the doctor claimed he could see out of it, while he declared that the sight was utterly destroyed. "The judge heard all the evidence pro and con. Then, sending the workman from the courtroom, he said: "'Get a blackboard and write a sentence on it with green chalk. Also get a pair of spec tacles with ordinary clear glass for the left eye and.with red glass for the right.' "This, in the course of an hour or so, was done. Then the workman was brought back and he was ordered to put the queer glasses on. "He put them on and the judge said to him: "' Turn the blackboard round and see if you can read what is written.' "The man read the sentence without hesi tation, whereupon the judge said to him sternly : "' Your case is dismissed. You are an imposter. You must have read that sentence with your left eye, for the red glass over the right one turned the green writing black and made it quite invisible on the blackboard.'" — Cincinnati Inquirer. Condonation. — Lady (entering breath less): " I want to stop my divorce suit." Lawyer: " Why you said your husband was an abominable, beastly brute, and you wanted to be rid of him." Lady: " Oh! yes, I know; but an auto mobile has just run over him and I want you to start a suit for heavy damages." Where There's a Will. — Tommy was stub born, and his teacher was having a hard time explaining a small point in the geography lesson. "Tommy," teacher began, " you can learn this if you make up your mind. It's not one bit smart to appear dull. I know," she con tinued, coaxingly, " that you are just as

bright as any boy in the class. Remember, Tommy, where there's a will there's " "Aw," broke in Tommy, " I know all dat, I do. Me fadder's a lawyer, he is, an" I've heard him say it lots ' times." "You should not have interrupted me," reprimanded the teacher, " but I am glad that your father has taught you the old adage. Can you repeat it to me?" "Sure," said Tommy confidently. " Me fadder says where der's a will—der's always a bunch o' poor relations." The Lawyer's Price. — It is said that every man has his price. If this is true, it is pleasng to know that even in the present state of the money market lawyers are still maintain ing a high standard, as is shown by the fol lowing bit of testimony. " What was said about the three hundred dollars?" "I told him he could leave the money with the lawyer till I brought in the deed, and it would be safe, because no lawyer would steal such a small sum as that." Financial Difficulties.—He was a respectable looking old negro who had knocked timidly at the office door and now stood hat in hand before my desk. "Boss," he said, respectfully, " is you a lawyer?" "Yes, that is my profession." "I'm in trouble and, Sah, I want your advice." "What kind of trouble?" "Trouble with my wife, Sah; financial trouble. Every time I come home she wants money. Now it's fifty cents, now it's a dollar and sometimes she wants a dollar and a half or two dollars." "What does she do with all this money?" "I don't know. I haven't given her any yet." Simplicity.—In the course of a recent trial, the Judge remarked to one of the counsel: "Mr. H, if / could look as innocent as you do, I think I could succeed infinitely better in the law than I have ever done. How do you do it? "